A Bacchanalian orgy of epic proportions has taken place at Valhalla (home of the norse Gods) and all the Gods and Goddesses are strewn about completely spent and mostly unconcious.
In the misty pink and gold dewy morning Thor wakes up and looks around and seeing a young nymph awakening he says to her-"Good Morning, I'm Thor..." to which she replies," You're Thor? I'm tho thor I can hardly Pith..."
Tah Dum Dum...
A friend emailed me and said you simply MUST take a look at this new internet sensation THOR JOHNSON...just do a bing search for TRUCKER THOR JOHNSON and chose videos-its astonishing...astonishing or impressive I'm not sure which...
So I did.
Let me say that I am NOT a connoisseur of internet PORN....like almost everyone I have seen some and it only has served to reinforce my theory that if women made porn it would be more artistic, sensitive and interesting-certainly less repetitive...
I also do NOT want you to think that I am suggesting that you hop over to BING (which is my favorite search engine-if I want an image I know I can get it and many more on BING-they also are not prudish about many thousands of videos and photos of the ADULT VARIETY-sometimes while searching for CORSET as an inspiration image you may get more inspired that you had originally intended.
Mr Johnson started life in Salt Lake City, Utah-this does not necessarily mean he is a Mormon but the possibility goes up...he is a very pink, muscular, somewhat thick young man, quite bald-apparently a red head (if the curtains ever matched the rug) and quite well endowed by his maker.
Barnum would have made a great deal out of this appendage-it is not only long and thick it is veiny and uncircumcised.
Grown men envy him, women feel faint-or even vice versa if you happen to like your vice versa.
Thor Johnson drove BIG RIG diesel trucks for a living-I guess the problem was the vibrations or the gear shift, I am not at all sure-but when he drives his big rig across the interstates he is driven to MASTURBATE....while driving....he also films it with a web cam...
As far as I can tell he is quite alone and he gets solidly into the procedure-you can tell from the way his eyes roll back into his head.
Remember he is DRIVING a huge TRUCK on an actual INTERSTATE highway...the mind simply reels.
In his early videos-oh yes there are MANY now, but in the early ones he obviously was nervouse about someone seeing what he is doing-he is not at all nervous about the web cam but onlookers are another thing I suppose the police and highway patrol of Utah and other states frown on such distractions??
If you can get a sizeable citation for eating a WHOPPER while driving just imagine what this business would set you back.
He really enjoys it-in most videos he is eventually quite nude-he licks his thumbs and delicately touches his small, well formed pink nipples (must be sensitive there), sometimes he uses a long languid stroke and other times a shorter choppier one-if you've never watched a man masturbate this seems to me a video that you might want to show to a teenage boy say to help him perfect his technique?
It's a bit of genius he claims to be about 25 when he starts-I think he is older but it may be the bald head that is throwing me off-he also claims to be STR8 (straight, as in not gay) so this is supposed to be for an audience of whom?
A muscular naked well endowed man having sex with himself while driving a big rig diesel-it's like he had a gay director and art designer on the project...
There is no woman in the video to annoy the men and no men in the video to put off the ladies-genius!
At first no one knew who he was-then his name got leaked he became a "porn" star and eventually has his own website, facebook and twitter pages (I didn't know PORN STARS could have facebook pages? They won't let you show art with genitals but???).
OH he has also branched way out-he has videos with very Rubenesque ladies, LADY BOYS, Porn Star Ladies, Black Ladies and MEN....
Gay for Pay is quite fashionable these days you know-again I don't understand why the idea of supposedly str8 men making love to each other would turn anyone on? BUT, women have been doing it for YEARS and men just lap it up (so to speak) so why not THOR as well?
He continues to insist that his best and favorite sexual adventures are with women-then he inserts a 12 inch rubber phallus in his rectum and rides around on his motorcycle-its those damned vibrations again I'm sure...
Please be assured I am neither judging nor making fun of THOR JOHNSON-I think he is really an amazing young man-he manages to always look clean and polished, he has a sweet puppy dog like expression at times that evokes some need to be embraced and rocked-he has figured out a way to do what he has a passion for and make money at it and also he is now an internet celebrity...all at a young age...quite impressive.
OH, I forgot to mention that he wears a dark coloured cross on a chain around his neck in every video-so I guess he is not only STR8 but religious as well-it certainly does play to a whole other audience and adds a rich layer of---something---to his obsessive masturbatory habits on film.
He apparently now lives in Las Vegas...maybe.
So, that BING...if you didn't know about it you will be glad-its a great way to win bets about absurd things (if you know how to work a con)...
Simply work into a conversation that things have degenerated to the point that they show everything on the internet and FOR FREE- I'll bet if you got to BING and type in GIRL acts like pony in Pony Sex with man OR Guy BARKS like a dog in Dog Sex with Dominatrix it will be there-just make sure you have verified that said video is still posted-there are probably many examples of each but you don't want to be out 20 bucks or 50 quid whatever the stakes are.
THOR sadly did not protect his videos so most of what he has on his website at 20 or 30 dollars a month for a membership are available for FREE thanks to BING.
Maybe someone will tell him and he will fix it-if he has time between truck runs.
I don't know that there is a moral or a punchline or anything to this post-it does sort of come under JAW DROPPING-I thought all this time I was quite worldly and not easily impressed by such things---aside from his prodigious penis his somehow innocent, naive tenacity to make a favorite pastime into a paying proposition is inspiring (especially with the cross thrown in).
Thor Johnson a name that may NOT go down in history (he has gone down on the internet....sorry, sorry that was cheap and beneath me) but like many fine amusements he may be the E TICKET of this generation...he's young maybe he can still make a career in motion pictures like The ROCK did or Chris Pratt-there's another beefy, pink young Christian that did a lot of running around nude in his earlier smaller parts...
I need to just stop now---everything I type is sounding smarmy.
ALL photos courtesy of a BING image search...
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